A Spiritual Father
by Ethan Fleming
While Pastor Brandon preached a sermon over Ephesians 6:1-4, I was sweating in my seat, but not from conviction. The sermon spoke about a biblical relationship a child should have with their parents and how fathers are to raise their kids. I do not have children of my own, but there are spiritual children placed in my life. What God showed me came during a time when He began calling me to a wonderful work: raising up these spiritual children.
“If I am filled with the Spirit, then the fruit of the Spirit will be evident in my life, which will allow me to function as a spiritual father.”
In this sermon, Pastor Brandon had shared an acronym Pastor Kenny made about fatherhood: BALANCE. The acronym for BALANCE represents Bible, Availability, Longsuffering, Affirmation, Nurturing, Correction, and Ensample. I desired to gain inspiration from this acronym to apply toward being a spiritual father rather than a physical father, so I wrote this down as homework in my Ephesians’ notebook — which I did not revisit until recently.
I do not know if you have read Mark Trotter’s book The Keys to Bible Study: Unlocking Scripture in an Age of Forgotten Truth, but Mark writes about the Key of David which unlocks the other keys to studying the Bible. Likewise, I would compare the Key of David to the Bible as the beginning of Kenny’s acronym: without the Bible the other traits within the acronym are closed off. Pastor Kenny grounded the B for Bible in Deuteronomy 6:4-9. In this passage Moses is teaching Israel what their relationship with the Lord should look like and what that relationship will produce. This relationship is functional when I am all in. When I am all in, God’s word will be in my heart: “thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart … And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart” (Deu 6:5-6). If I am filled with the “word of Christ” then I will be filled with the Spirit (Col 3:16; Eph 5:18-19). If I am filled with the Spirit, then the fruit of the Spirit will be evident in my life, which will allow me to function as a spiritual father. And, man, if I am all in for God then that should be evident through my love toward other believers (1 John 5:2-3).
“If I find these spiritual children dear to me, I cannot quit on them, I cannot abandon them in their failure, and I cannot disown them in their immaturity. ”
What does an all-in spiritual father look like? Isaiah describes the behavior of God, the Father of fathers, in how he leads the flock, and one of His behaviors is that “he shall gather the lambs with his arms” (Isa 40:11). Just as God gathers the lambs with his arms, I need to be intentional with seeking out the children given to me that I might know where they are at, what they think, and how they are feeling. It is not good enough for me to only teach and guide on Bible study nights then be absent from their lives. These sons need to know that their spiritual fathers love them, and that starts with the spiritual fathers spending time with them. How else will I gain their heart if I never spend time with them? Jesus made Himself available, as demonstrated in the Gospel of Mark when the diseased and the possessed were brought unto Jesus despite it being sundown (Mark 1:32). This taught me that I cannot be staunch about my time but that I must be given to availability. Aside from being available presently for the children, how often do I make myself free to pray for them as well?
I forget at times that growth is not immediate, like, if I were a biological father I would not expect my 3-year-old to evolve to an 18-year-old overnight like a Pokémon. I am learning it is the same spiritually. Spiritual babies do not become adults overnight. As spiritual babies grow they will make messes that need to be cleaned up. The spiritual father must walk worthy of the responsibility that he is called to “with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love” (Eph 4:1-2). I learned that meekness is using my strength, courage, and virtue to serve the weaknesses of others. Longsuffering is fitly placed after being called to walk with meekness, because as I serve the weaker with strength, I will have to forbear their mistakes and immaturities. If I find these spiritual children dear to me, I cannot quit on them, I cannot abandon them in their failure, and I cannot disown them in their immaturity.
“I show my love for Jesus when I feed believers, and the food is good doctrine.”
As the child grows, gains maturity, and does a few things correctly, the spiritual father must decide if he should give pleasant words: the trait of affirmation. Kenny provides clarity on what affirmation looks like through Proverbs 18:21: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” I remember when I was lost that my tongue did not have words of affirmation. My gym partner had asked me about his results from grinding the iron, and I gave him blunt and rash words that crushed his dead spirit. In my walk with Jesus, I have learned that my speech matters, and even more so as a father. The words I choose will either discourage or encourage. Proverbs 16:24 describes words of encouragement: “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.” Pastor Brandon pointed out that I must have wisdom for when I provide affirmation, so I do not give too much to the point it is worthless.
Before God can give the increase, the spiritual father provides the nutrients (1 Cor 3:6). What does nurturing look like for the spiritual father? In John 21:15-17, Jesus asks Simon Peter if he loves him, and all three times he asked this question Peter replied with yes, to which Jesus responded, “Feed my sheep.” I show my love for Jesus when I feed believers, and the food is good doctrine. That is why the B for Bible is chief among these traits. In my quiet time I may receive a good word, some food, that another believer needs. Without a consistent quiet time, without being established in the Bible, it is impossible for me to provide good doctrine to believers. The self-evaluation I must perform is, do I feed my spiritual children good doctrine when I meet with them (Psa 104:28)?
Naturally I am unconfrontational, however, to be a spiritual father, I am called to correction. I often question myself on what is correctable, but Galatians 6:1 points me toward the answer, saying “if a man be overtaken in a fault” the man walking in unrighteousness requires correction. This does not look like rodding him, but “restoring such an one in the spirit of meekness” (Gal 6:1). The work to restore the unrighteous man will require teaching, reproving (showing how he is wrong), correcting (showing how to apply the teaching), and instructing him in how to continue in right teaching (2 Tim 3:16-17). The end result of restoring the unrighteous man looks like him getting back on the path of righteousness. The cost of passivity as a father is the permission for my children to walk in unrighteousness — what a massive failure that would be on my part! The book of Galatians has an example of this when Paul confronts Peter. Homie was in so much trouble, so Paul corrected Peter. Paul provided good teaching in Galatians 2:16; reproved Peter in Galatians 2:18; corrected Peter by applying good teaching in Galatians 2:19-20; and instructed Peter to continue in good teaching in Galatians 2:21. The end of Paul’s correction, his desire to see Peter walk rightly in the gospel, was that Peter was restored.
“Let us gain the heart of the Father that we may join into the work of raising spiritual children, that we too may have our positions replenished when we are sent. ”
The work to speak into the spiritual child’s life is a two-parter: I have to earn their heart and I have to earn the authority — the ability to charge: the trait of ensample. Ensample is someone who provides a pattern for following or for admonition. Paul is a wonderful example of an ensample to the people in 2 Thessalonians 3:7-10. Paul is straight with the Thessalonians about how they should behave, because Paul and his posse set the ensample in their presence (2 Thes 3:7). The ensample provided was that no man should eat unless they worked, and Paul gives account in 2 Thessalonians 3:8 that he neither ate any man’s bread but worked to earn the right to eat. He did this to set a visible pattern to follow and thus commanded the Thessalonians to follow likewise (2 Thes 3:9). I learned that I must live in truth. Truth has to be real in my life if I am going to have the authority to charge my children to live in truth. Ensampleship is not limited to setting a pattern to live by, but also providing a pattern not to live by. Fortunately for us (unfortunately for them) Israel provided this negative ensampleship as detailed in 1 Corinthians 10:5-11. Verse 7 teaches us not to follow Israel in idolatry; verse 8 teaches us not to follow in fornication; verse 9 teaches us not to follow in tempting Christ; verse 10 teaches us not to follow in murmuring. These things are written that we should not follow the evil pattern. This passage taught me that I must provide warnings from my life, negative ensamples, for my son not to follow so that he may avoid the mistakes I have made. This is what will ground me as a father, that my children would know the evil patterns in my life and what they produced so that they would not follow in their course but on-ramp to the path of righteousness.
C&YA, as we enter into a new phase of ministry as leaders are sent for the mission, will you step up and be serious in your growth that you may replace those who have been sent? Let us be established in the Bible. Let us gain the heart of the Father that we may join into the work of raising spiritual children, that we too may have our positions replenished when we are sent.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
Ethan Fleming is a member of Midtown Baptist Temple and is a part of C&YA. He leads a UMKC men’s Bible study.