by Lauren Uber

I showed up to MBT in 2020, in the craziness of Covid, freshly saved, and without any Christians in my life. The first time I walked into the sanctuary was during a Sunday morning service. I saw dozens of hands raised in worship and people from all nations, ages, and backgrounds partaking in fellowship, all through the power of Jesus. The weeks prior I had been "church shopping," and not one of them exhibited such genuine love for one another. I was approached by ordinary people who were bold in extending friendship and truth to me. I could see that these men and women had been with Jesus and were his disciples (John 13:35, Acts 4:13). Little did they know, I had lived the last 10 years in a state of depression, addiction, and loneliness. The first face that greeted me felt like the warmest and kindest face I'd ever known. C&YA became my family. The church body became my home.

“My capacity was growing smaller as my ministry shifted to be more internally focused. I found myself in a constant state of giving, physically, spiritually, and emotionally”

Five years later, I was married to the man I admired most in ministry, leading a Bible Study, discipling, teaching in Kidtown, and became a mother to our first child. Over those years I was on cloud nine. I was growing, serving, learning, and being established. I was so in love with my church family, I hardly got tired of giving myself to others, and always wanted fellowship. But as I entered motherhood, my energy began to dwindle. My capacity was growing smaller as my ministry shifted to be more internally focused. I found myself in a constant state of giving, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I made the mistake of comparing my capacity to other moms in C&YA. I thought, "Well if that mom can lead this thing and show up to that thing, then why can't I?" I somehow started equating activity with self-worth. What God had intended for me to do was rest in the blessing of a growing family and the changes that came with it. But I turned it into a burden. Instead of getting desperate in prayer, I condemned myself.

“I saw others giving themselves to the ministry and fellowship and I craved to be a part, but still couldn’t quite find a way to step in”

As I was comparing and condemning, I foolishly faded into the fringes of fellowship. Now I want to clarify, this isn’t a “poor me” scenario. I still had a place in ministry: in my home and in the four walls of the church. This was pride. The pridefulness of insecurity and despising my limitations. I was frustrated by my weaknesses — the very place Christ shows himself strong. So as I stuck to the back row for fear I'd be a distraction if my baby needed me, and dodged conversations because I was exhausted, and stayed home from events because I thought I didn't have anything to offer. I forgot the power of fellowship. The intentionality of a smile in passing, the comfort of a hug, the empathy in a text message, the joy of sharing a testimony, the comradery of praying together, the exhortation gleaned from a coffee date, the encouragement in just showing up, were all priceless "tiny touches" in ministry that became background noise. In reality, the display of these things by others were like the strings keeping me tied to fellowship, maybe seen as thin as thread, but still as strong as an industrial cable. I saw others giving themselves to the ministry and fellowship and I craved to be a part, but still couldn’t quite find a way to step in.

In Romans 12 verses 10 and 13, we are charged to be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love, to distribute ourselves and resources to the necessity of the saints, and to be given to hospitality. "Distributing" and "given" are two key words whose definitions gave me insight on how to step back into fellowship when I felt so incapable. The word "distribute" is associated with simply coming into fellowship: to join yourself, become a partner, or come into communion with others. Also, to divide among several, to deal over, or give oneself over. I was able to examine these "tiny touches" I mentioned earlier and quickly became at peace with extending myself among the body in these simple ways. If all I had capacity for on a given day was to show up to something or check in on a girl from Bible study, I was ensuring that I remained joined in fellowship. Maybe it would look like sending food along to an event even if I couldn't attend. I was seeing so many little, yet powerful ways I could stay connected and got excited.

“Hardship does not justify shutting down, it actually justifies doubling down in fellowship. We will find that there is joy in giving ourselves even when we feel stretched thin”

I then looked into the word "given" and found that it was associated with suffering. Giving oneself to the body entailed endeavoring after them and sometimes even being mistreated in the process. It means to follow after, pursue, to press forward, and "to run swiftly in order to catch a person or thing." This part didn't seem so simple. God reminded me that giving yourself, your time, and resources does require sacrifice. Fellowship is not always this "fun and flirty" exchange between close friends. Being "given" means we are going to be stretched beyond the bounds of our comfort level. Being “given” means, "this is my body which is given for you” (Luke 22:19). Paul said to the Thessalonians that he was willing to impart, or give, not only the gospel, but his very soul because they were dear unto him (1 Thes 2:8). Both Jesus and Paul were able to give of themselves so completely to others because of the eternal value of ministry, but also because of the joy found in loving others and seeing them grow in Christ, despite the sacrifice it required of them. "Who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross" (Heb 12:2), "for ye are our glory and joy” (1 Thes 2:20). When we are weak in our love and not desirous of fellowship because of hardship, we have to ask him to increase our capacity — the capacity of our hearts as well as our mobility in life. Hardship does not justify shutting down, it actually justifies doubling down in fellowship. We will find that there is joy in giving ourselves even when we feel stretched thin. We can start with the “tiny touches” and then trust God for more. And I can assure you from experience that there is no joy in isolating and living on the fringes.

“He has set every one of us in the body, knowing all our weaknesses and all the hard seasons that will come our way, and it pleases Him that we would labor together in love anyway”

Over Mission Focus I was met by a few ladies in the nursery who genuinely asked how I was doing. I was honest and they showed compassion to me. I could see that they were filled with joy that I received their words and I was also filled with joy as I was reminded how healing fellowship is. I was built up in love. I remembered “the days of my youth” at MBT and how simple it felt to share life with my brothers and sisters. It was effortless back then; why had I complicated it so much? Why had I become faithless and selfish in this season? It was then that God convicted me that I DO have capacity for loving and serving the body as a member in particular. He will always give us the capacity to love thy neighbor as thyself, as that is all the law fulfilled in one word (Gal 5:13-14). He wasn't asking me to be a part of the ministry formalities of leadership right now, or to take on more, or to "do better." He was just asking me to go reproduce that sweet, small, sharpening moment between two tired moms. To promote fellowship. I was needed in the building up of others as they have built me up. We are all members in particular. He has set every one of us in the body, knowing all our weaknesses and all the hard seasons that will come our way, and it pleases Him that we would labor together in love anyway (1 Cor 12:18-25).

“if you’ve been shying away from being fully knit to our church body, let me just tell you that there is so much joy and sanctification waiting for you. And we need you! ”

If the body doesn't edify itself in love, nothing will edify us. If the saints don’t engage in fellowship, there is no one else to share spiritual life with (Eph 4:16, Heb 10:24-25). The world doesn't have the ability or desire to build us up. Our lost friends and family don’t have the ability to counsel and sharpen us. Our passions and hobbies don't have the ability to knit our souls together. Our life is here in the church! Our life is in the depth of ministry! And that ministry is only as strong as our fellowship with God and his people are. “Ministry runs on the rails of relationships.” And a wonderful thing happened as I sat with God pondering this concept; I gained more than enough spiritual stamina to step back into fellowship and love others deeply. I saw my need to get desperate in prayer about my selfish heart and spiritual fatigue. I cleaved to my Bible so I could have the words of life ready on my lips. I had motivation to serve and sacrifice, and I had confidence in my calling again. I rejoiced in fellowship. I decided to attend my cohort, join mom's group, to go and serve at FOI events, and even bring my 11 month old (who has an unyielding 6:30pm bedtime) to Bible study on UMKC campus. So... if you've been shying away from being fully knit to our church body, let me just tell you that there is so much joy and sanctification waiting for you. And we need you! By taking a step of faith and fully joining yourself to bible study, or your fellowship, or ministry, you will become closer to Jesus and magnify His name through your life in the process! I praise God for the wonderful gift of fellowship. It has sharpened me, comforted me, and matured me in my walk and it will for you too. It’s God’s design.

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